Just a few days till Christmas...

Lauren,

Christmas is almost here. I bought you some really sentimental thoughtful gifts, gifts that no one else can give you. I bought a Hallmark recordable book, titled "All the Ways I Love You." Even then, the book cannot express how much love I have for you. I can't wait to record it for you this weekend so that you can keep forever and hear me read to you even when I'm not near.

A week ago, 20 children and 6 adults died in CT. It was truly a horrific tragedy. I will not comment much on it. It breaks my heart to much to think about so I secretly try not to read the media and tune it out because it hurts too much. Being a parent has changed me. I cannot imagine anything ever happening to you. I feel a sense of pain and it breaks my heart to imagine what these parents are going through. It just hurts.

In the midst of everything, I know God our Savior is here and He is good. He is with us and will be with us so there is nothing to fear. I know the Lord will watch you, take care of you and be with you. I pray for you everyday. I love you more than the world. I love you always.

Merry Christmas,

Mommy

You call me Mommy

Lauren,

You call me Mommy. I call you Baby. You give me kisses. I give you hugs. More than anything, we give each other love.

Hearing you call me Mommy is like music to my ears. It's the sweetest sound. It melts my heart. It feels like I've waited forever to hear you call me Mommy. It's not your first time, but you now consistently say it and you know that it's for me, and only me. I hear you call for me when you want me to pick you up, to hold you, when you're scared, when you're asking for me and just because.

You call me Mommy, and for that, I thank you.

I love you always Baby,

Mommy

Post-Thanksgiving

Baby,

Thanksgiving was a success! We had so much fun. Mommy and Daddy got up at 3:30am on Thanksgiving morning and packed us all up in the car, picked up Grandma and Grandpa, and drove up north. We did two stops to get gas, do bathroom breaks and stretch our legs. You slept most of the way and didn't fuss very much at all. We left at 4:30am and got there at 10:30am. The drive was roughly 5 hours since we did two stops. Not bad eh?

Once we arrived at Auntie Liza's house, we hung out, ate, played basketball, shoot pool, ate some more, helped cook, took a walk, ate some more, and just relaxed. We even took some family Thanksgiving pictures. They turned out great. There's something that I've been doing the last couple of Thanksgiving. You know, Mommy and Daddy found out we were pregnant with you on Thanksgiving day 2 years ago. Every year since, ok fine, it's only been 2 years, but what the heck, I've been testing to see if I am blessed with another child. I tested of course and it was negative. I was a bit bummed since if I was pregnant, your sib would be expected to be due on your birthday. How cool would that be? Either way, I am already so blessed with you.

On Friday, we got up, took our time getting ready and did a bit of shopping. After we shopped, we took you to the park to play and you had a great time. Then you poo'ed so we had to go home and clean you up. We decided to go for a drive to sightsee and we didn't see much. You fell asleep so Mommy and Daddy stopped by the store to get you more milk. We went to bed rather late that night and woke up early on Saturday morning.

You, me, Daddy and Grandma hit the road at 6am. Our destination was Hearst castle but we stopped along the beach since we were on Pacific Coast Highway and the view was amazing. We took some pictures, let you play in the sand a bit, and kept on driving. I drove the curvy mountain parts by the way (pat on Mommy's back). We arrived at Hearst Castle around 11am and did the tour of the Grand room. The place is amazingly big and beautiful! You did wonderful during the tour; however, you were a rambunctious one after that. You wanted to run everywhere, touch everything. You were a little menace. You wore Mommy out but I thought you were still the cutest child.

We hit the road again and drove 45 minutes to Morro Bay. That was a dud. It was literally a big rock with piers and restaurants, but nothing that was really interesting or impressive. Blah.

We hit the road again and our next destination was Santa Barbara 2 hours away. We arrived around 5 I think, checked into the hotel and rested. The Hyatt was right across the street from the beach. It was beautiful. We had a pool view which was nice. We decided to have Thai food but State Street was so packed. We ordered the food to go, walked the strip a bit, then got our food and dined in our hotel room. We called it a night from all the traveling and sightseeing that we did.

We got up Sunday morning, had breakfast in the room again, then headed to the beach to let you play on the swing set and in the water. You had a good time and I love the pictures/videos of you and Daddy.

We drove 2 hours and were back to home sweet home.

I would say our Thanksgiving was a success. We traveled, spent time with family, spent time on the beach and vacationed a bit, it was great. You are the bestest child ever. I love you always.

Mommy

Thanksgiving

Lauren,

Tomorrow is your second Thanksgiving. Last Thanksgiving, you were so fussy. You were crying and wouldn't stop. Mommy and Daddy tried to hold you, feed you, but nothing we did could stop you from crying. Then when we got home, you were as happy as could be. You laughed for no reason at all. I was thankful for that.

This Thanksgiving, we are doing a road trip. Early tomorrow morning, we are driving up North to Dublin to visit Jasmine, Trinity and Talvin's cousins. It'll be a very long ride, approximately 6 hours and 19 minutes according to googlemap. Then hopefully, we can make it to Hearst Castle on Saturday, stop by Morro Bay, then back down to Santa Barbara and home on Sunday. Let's see how much we get done. Either way, it's going to be fun.

Lauren, Mommy is so proud of you. I love the person that you are. You know how to sa-toot, blow your nose, hug, give kisses, blow kisses, know where your belly button feet nose and eyes are, dance and jump, respond to your age, give high fives, say no, mommy, daddy, ma-yeh, ta ta, je je, doggie, yummy yum, mum mum and a whole slew of other things I probably forgot. I am so thankful for you. You are my world, my love, my life.

I love you always.

Mommy

Second night away...

Lauren,

Last night, Mommy had to leave you at Grandma's since Mommy is still feeling sick with the stomach flu and Daddy has the cold and flu. I know, it's horrible. I almost couldn't leave. I left through the front door with tear filled eyes, pulling all I had not to go back in there and grab you home. Although it hurt me more than anyone, I had to do it because I knew it was best for you. I really believe that I had enough energy to watch you yesterday. It's just that I couldn't imagine you catching whatever it is that Mommy and Daddy has. This week has been long and awful.

All I wanted to do was see you, talk to you, hold you in bed before we went night-night. I missed you so much.

I hope you won't have to stay away from Mommy and Daddy overnight again. I love you so much. I love you always.

Mommy

Dog food, driving quad, blowing nose, etc.

Lauren,

There's so many random things that you've been experiencing.

Like the other week when we were out in the backyard, you grabbed some of Pookie's dog food and I knew you were going to try to eat it as you put almost everything in your mouth. I hopped off of the swing bench and almost hurt myself. I grabbed it away from your hand just in the nick of time. Daddy looked at me like I was crazy. I went back to swinging and just watching you but your back was turned towards me. As you turned around, I saw brown crumbs on your face. I looked at Daddy and swiped my finger through your mouth and sure enough, you were eating a pebble of dog food. That was sooo gross.

About a month ago, you got on the Dora quad and pushed the button and just drove it. I was such a proud mommy.

You recently got sick with some virus that's been going around. You've been blowing bubbles out of your nose, drooling, and worst yet, vomiting. Did I forget to mention the constipation? Yep, that too. Anyways, you don't like it when I use a tissue to wipe your nose, so I've been using my fingers to clean off the snot. When I wanted you to blow your nose, I'd say something that sounded like "heeee". You somehow understood me and started blowing your nose! I'm such a proud mama.

Your molars are growing. I lost count of your teeth. It seems like you went from 7 to 11 overnight.

You recently have started calling me mama and mommy too. I love you so much. I love you always.

First Trick or Treating

Lauren,

Last night was your very first time trick or treating. You got a bucket full of candy. Too bad you can't have any yet...so Mommy will help you out and make good use of it. I'm gonna eat it!

You were the cutest Stinkerbell, oops, I meant Tinkerbell. I am so in love with you. I carried you from house to house, switching from right arm to left arm back to my right arm until both of my arms felt like they were going to fall off. I put you down to walk but you took awhile and the bigger kids were stumbling so then I picked you up and carried you again. Daddy was busy taking pictures and recording our night out. We had a huge turnout! You went trick or treating with most all of your first cousins. It was so much fun.

You have been sick this last week, throwing up almost daily. I am so worried about you. Daddy took you to the doctors yesterday and said that we just need to give you some pedialyte and you need to rest. You've been pretty much the same, eating well, playing well, but your sleeping has been awful. You get congested, toss and turn, so it's been rough on all of us.

I can't wait to see you at lunch. I love you always.

First Night Away...

Lauren,

Tomorrow night will be my first time ever being away from you overnight. Even though we may not sleep in the same room every night, we are under the same roof. I can run to you or peek in just to check up on you. Your grandma has asked me a few times to keep you overnight but I never had to courage to have you far away from me.

You are now 15 months and I need to learn to let you be a big girl. I know you'll be in good hands with your grandma but I still worry about you and I also worry about myself. I worry that you might not sleep well. I worry that you'll be looking for me and I won't be there. I worry that I won't be able to enjoy a short trip away with your Daddy because I'll miss you too much. I worry that something might happen to me. I can't help it but want to be with you.

I will try to have a good time and you be a good little girl. Have fun, play, eat, sleep and just remember that I love you to the ends of the world and back. I love you more than life itself, and regardless of what happens, I will find a way to be with you.

I love you always.

Mommy

15 Months

Lauren,

Yesterday on 10/15, you turned 15 months. I sang happy birthday to you and you loved it. I still remember the look on your face as you gazed at the burning candle we lit together.

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. Yesterday at 7pm was Wave of Light night. I pulled out my special 'Mom' candle that I received from Auntie Michelle and your cousin Lillian for my very 1st Mother's Day. We lit up the candle not to only celebrate your 15 months, but to also remember all of the babies and angels that are in heaven. I said a prayer for baby Naya and baby Avery. I said a prayer for all of the parents who are not able to hug and hold their angels as I was holding you in my arms tighly last night. I am so blessed to have you.

We then went upstairs with your slumber frog buddy and laid on my bed and looked up at the stars and moon on the ceiling with the most serene melody. It was truly a magical moment. I believe as our candle was lit and as we looked up to the stars, all the angels are smiling down at us. I love you so much Lauren.

I love you always.

Mommy

Sleep

Lauren!

Mommy is so excited!. So, on Sunday night, Daddy co-slept with you and guess what you did? You slept through the entire night! I'm so proud! Recently, I've been co-sleeping with you much more frequently so I was a bit bummed to miss this first, but happy that Daddy got to experience it with you. You didn't wake up until 6am which then he got you a bottle cause I'm sure you were hungry from not drinking milk in the middle of the night. He thought it was a fluke, or maybe he didn't hear you trying to wake up. So...Mommy had to try for myself and see.

Las night, I co-slept with you expecting for you to wake up in the middle of the night. When my alarm clock went off at 6am, I realized that you had slept through the entire night! Woohoo!!! I got up to get ready for work and Mommy and Daddy didn't try to feed you until about 7am when we had to get you ready to be dropped off at Grandma's.

I am so so so proud of you! You are such a big girl now. I know it took nearly 15 months for you to sleep through the night but you are doing it! Congratulations Mommy's big baby girl!

I love you and I'm so proud of you. Please try to keep it up!

Love,
Mommy

Need

Lauren,

Simply put, I need you. More than you will ever know. More than you need me. I need you now and forever.

I love you always.

Mommy

Hi's and No-No's

I just realized that I've been writing about a lot of bad incidents lately so I thought I'd write about your latest development. It is sooo cute!!!

You love to say 'hi'! People are amazed that you are only 14 months and know how to say hi. You say it to everyone! Language has always been your strong point. Then you also like to say no and no no. I'll sometimes ask questions like, "Do you like this person?" and you'll say "no." It's funny but cute nonetheless.

I've been letting you play in the tub before you go to bed and you love playing in the water. I need to take more pictures and record you. You are growing up too fast.

I love you always.

Mommy

So scary...

Lauren,

Mommy avoided writing to you about this because it really scared me. Last Thursday 9/30, I wasn't feeling well and closed my eyes on grandma's sofa. Grandma was at the sink doing something or cooking something in the kitchen. You and Makeala were playing in the nook as usual. Grandpa has been very forgetful for a long time so when he went outside in the backyard, he forgot to close the sliding glass door. When I opened my eyes and didn't see you or Makeala, I freaked out. I stopped breathing for a moment. I rushed out and saw Makeala right in the patio area. But you, you were a little bit closer to the pond and I ran to you and grabbed you and hugged you back inside the house. I can't imagine anything bad happening to you. You are my everything.

As it turns out, I brought this to you aunt and uncle's attention since Grandpa has been forgetting another couple of times over the last few days. It didn't go very well. There was some confrontation between your uncle and Grandma. I didn't want any confrontations but I can't afford to not take preventative measures to keep you safe. All in all, they locked the sliding glass door and now Grandpa has to go through the garage to the side of the house to get to the backyard. I feel much better about your safety.

I will do anything for you. Anything. I love you always.

Mommy

Ouch!

Lauren,

Mommy was sooo bad. Last Saturday night before you went to bed, I changed your diaper and left you on the bed to go wash my hands. I don't know what I was thinking. You normally just stay there when you're tired and sleepy, but I should have known that you would roll around or try to walk off. I looked in the mirror and saw you sitting up, only you were at the very edge of the bed. I turned around and you looked at me and I looked at you saying "Oh My God" a million times as I rushed over to try to catch you but knew that I wouldn't be able to make it in time. You fell off the bed backwards and your little body bounced. I grabbed you from the floor and hugged you so tightly as you cried. I nearly cried myself. Mommy was so so stupid. You have separation anxiety worser than ever and I should have known that you would try to come to me. I am so so so sorry. After Daddy calmed you down, I took you to sleep with me in your bedroom where your bed is much lower. I still sometimes see you falling off and I get so angry with myself.

I love you so much and would hate for anything bad to happen to you. You are my everything.

On another note, I've been letting you go diaper-free here and there. You're starting to realize that if you pee, there will be water on the floor and you'll want to play with it, which you do. I think it's funny but it is quite dirty. I get a good laugh out of it.

I love you always.

Mommy.

Randoms

Lauren,

I forgot to mention a few things when I wrote you yesterday. There's so much that I have to try to remember them all so that I can tell you about it.

You are a pro with the ipad and iphone! Ok fine, maybe not a pro, but you know how to push the button and swipe. You've been swiping for a long time and just recently discovered the button. Your favorite is watching the slideshows Daddy made of you. I try to record videos of you here and there and you really enjoy those too.

You've been really liking to brush your teeth. You try really hard and it's so cute. You also brush your hair when I give you a comb or brush.

When I change your diaper, you grab onto your...I don't know what to call it. I haven't come up with a name for it yet...but yo know what I mean.

You still scratch your arms and legs here and there but it's still much better than a year ago.

The cutest thing is when you say "hi" in a raspy voice. And then you'll repeat it again and again. It's so cute. You also say Daddy a lot too. You'll say Mama every now and then.

Oh, you hate hate hate going to the doctors and taking medicine. I don't blame you.

When I put your shirt on, you always try to slide your right arm through first, but when I put your shoes on, you give me your left foot first.

By the way, you are still loving your two left fingers, the ring finger and middle finger. I wonder when you'll give it up.

You're growing your 7th tooth. You currently have 4 on the top and now 3 on the bottom.

Did I mention you've been back in your crib...at least part of the night? You don't sleep as well but it's to help transition you to your big girl's bed in a while.

Ok honey, Mommy's gonna get back to work now.

I love you always.

Dailies

Lauren,

I know I haven't kept up with all of your milestones since you turned one, but you are learning to do so many things I just have to list them down.

You love love love to dance. When you hear any music, you spread your arms out and sway your hips, or your knees, I can't really tell, but it's quite perfect. That's not your only move. You also like to change it up by putting both palms out in front of you, facing them down, then you shake them up and down and even nodd your head to the music.

You are having major separation anxiety. You've only been like this for the last week. You want to hang onto me and don't want me to leave. To be quite honest, I love it. I know this won't last forever so I'm cherishing all of your stages. I vow to not sneak out on you or leave you upset. I want you to know that I will never leave you.

You recently had a terrible constipation experience. It was on a Sunday and Daddy left to go to the gym. I was home alone with you and could tell that you were trying to poo. You walked around and around and started crying. I put you on the toilet and we hugged each other while you were crying and I was trying to help you pass your poo. It finally shot out, you bled, I lactated, and we hugged each other and cried. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I recently went to the Women of Faith conference and what really got me was when a speaker asked "what would you not do for your child?" The answer was simple. There is nothing in this world that I would not do for you. I would do anything, absolutely anything for you. I would go to the ends of the world and die for you. No doubt about it. I love you.

There's so much more and I'll try to blog often and in smaller posts so that they're easier to read.

I love you sunshine.

Bump, Chili Pepper and LIVE!

Just when I thought your bruised cheek was bad, I went to your Grandma's yesterday for lunch and was told that you had a bumped on your head. I looked at it and wanted to cry. You haven't had much luck lately. From what I gather talking to Grandma, she said that you were sitting at the bottom of the stairs and fell off, landing on your big noggin. You have a purple bump just right above your right eyebrow. I tried to ice it but you didn't like the cold on your forehead. I wanted to kiss your forehead and miraculously make your bump disappear.

I was going to change your diaper before going back to work...but...it was more than a pee diaper and I didn't have time. Oh boy.

To top off your tough day, we went over to your Auntie Sheren's for dinner. You like to walk around in her back yard and play with your cousins so it's been nice for all of us. I went inside the house to wash dishes and Daddy was watching you. You are so busy now that it's hard to watch your every move. As I was washing the dishes, Daddy carried you inside and told me that you ate a hot chili pepper. You were crying, tears were streaming down your pretty bruised up face, your lips and mouth was all pink and flaming I'm sure. You held your mouth open and panted really hard. I felt so bad all I could think was to wash it out. I grabbed you and washed your hand and tried to give you your bottle of milk. You didn't want to drink any so I tried water and that only helped for a bit. We then gave you ice chips and that seemed to work. After awhile, the spiciness went away and you were back to your busy playful self. I never want to see that happen to you again.

I understand that as you get more mobile, you'll get more busy and prone to getting hurt. I pray that the Lord watches your every move and keep you safe.

In the meantime, enjoy playing, exploring, learning, and live my little one. Live life to the fullest and be happy. I love you always.

Bruised Cheek :(

On Saturday, 9/ 1, when you were crawling on Mommy's and Daddy's bed, you went for the iPad and iHome docking station and fell on your face. You were crying so hard no sound came out. Mommy freaked out and yelled for Daddy, all the while saying "Oh my God!" over and over again. You grabbed your beautiful face and just cried. Mommy nearly cried as well. As I removed your hand from your face, a dark purple bruise appeared on your beautiful cheek. I felt so bad cause I was standing there but somehow couldn't catch you. You cried for awhile but you're all fine now. Thank God.

Birthday Party, Laughlin and Everything Else in Between

I have to admit, I've been too busy living and cherishing the moments that I have not spent much time capturing it all down on paper. What's important is that I get to experience new things with you baby girl.

Your birthday party was sooo much fun! It was very hot, but we had a great turnout. I estimate about 50 people showed up. You did great in your bathing suit and even got into the pool with Daddy. Your face lit up with a big smile when we all started singing 'Happy Birthday!' I was so proud I had to hold back tears.

Last weekend, you went on your first Annual Family Laughlin trip. On the car ride there, you napped, played, and watched movies on the iPad. As we approached our exit River Road, you started crying hysterically. Mommy did what Mommy had to do and leaned over to breastfeed you, yup, right there in the car. You stopped for a bit I think you were hot and irritated because your back was all sweaty from sitting in your carseat for 2 hours straight. We exited off the freeway, parked for a bit while I nursed you, then got back on the road and you fell asleep until we got to the hotel. That Thursday 8/9, there was a sandstorm in Laughlin. That was the first one I've ever experienced and it was scary. All I thought of was to keep you in the hotel where we would be safe. The next morning, we drove out to Lake Mojave where we grilled and played in the water. You LOVED being in the water. You would splash the water, close your eyes, then rub the water off of your face. We did it all over again on Saturday and you had even more cousins come to play. The ride back was pretty uneventful as you did really well, other than pottying in your diaper and Mommy and Daddy had to exit off the freeway to clean your tush.

You experienced another earthquake a couple of weeks ago. You sure slept through it. All I can think of was to grab you and hold you to make sure you were ok.

Guess who's back in her crib??? That's right! Lauren is. Mommy and Daddy wanted to watch a movie on Sunday night 8/12 and so we thought hey, why not put Lauren in her crib? You did sooo well that night! You woke up once as usual around 2:30 or 3am. I gave you your bottle, changed your diaper, and back in the crib to sleep you did for the rest of the night. Good job Lauren!!!

You started pointing too...Hmmm...I wonder where you learned that from. You also discovered your nostrils. Not too cute but eh.

I saved the best update for last. You started taking steps on 8/4! I was so proud, again I nearly cried. You took 2-3 steps before falling down, but it was such an accomplishment and amazing to see!

I love you so much baby girl. I'll try to write to you more often. Love you.

Mommy

Happy 1st Birthday Lauren!

To my little sunshine Lauren,

Happy 1st birthday! I love you so much. You are the light of my life. I am so blessed to have you for my child. Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy.

A year has passed since you came into this world and forever changed my life. You have brought me so much joy watching you grow and become you. You have learned to flip, sit up, crawl, talk, feed yourself, clap and the best of all, kiss Mommy and Daddy.

I love you. I am so in love with you. You have the grinniest most adorable smile. You have the biggest laugh, the loudest scream, the sweetest breath and the most beautiful face. Seeing you anytime of day is a blessing for me. I love watching you sleep, play, and yes, even when you cry. You are God sent to me. I miss you when I'm not with you. I love kissing you, hugging you, sleeping next to you, playing with you, and just being with you. You are my greatest pride and joy. You are so delightful to have. You are perfect and pristine in every way. Thank you for being the most amazing baby and child. You fill my heart with so much love and joy. I love you so much.

I am proud of you and the person that you have become over the last year. You are my heart, my joy, my sunshine, my love, my baby, my all. Happy 1st birthday. I love you always.

Mommy

My Little Pumpkin Juice,

You’ve changed me from the first day you came into this world. I am so proud to be your dad. I take pride in being so lucky and blessed as your father. Someday when you become a parent you will understand. I am so excited to see you turn one year old. I promise to be here for you unconditionally. I will be here to help guide you through life. Life will throw many obstacles but your mom and I will be there. Mommy and Daddy will try to be the best foundation for you. Because of you I’ve learned to love more patiently. I cherish every beautiful smile, cute laughter, and all your loud screaming and talking. I love you so very much. No matter how old you get remember that you will always be my little pumpkin juice. 

Love Daddy 

Mommy's Letters to Lauren

Lauren,

I love you so much. I've decided to write you letters often because there is so much I want to tell you. I want you to know that you are my sunshine, my heart, my world, my joy, my baby. I want to capture everything, how you're growing, your milestones, what I'm feeling and what I want to say to you. I want you to know a little bit of me and be able to read my letters. I want to leave you a piece of me. This will be the start of my letters.

You will be one year old in exactly 10 days. That is when the blog is to officially commence. I am counting down until your birthday.

I love you always.

-Mommy