I screamed at you

Lauren, 

Yesterday was the first time I ever yelled at you. My heart nearly stopped for a split second. Out of anger and frustration, I looked you in the eyes and screamed "what do you want!!!" 

At almost 28 months, you wanted me to carry you. You had been hanging on my back and choking my neck for the 1/2 hour prior. We got into the car and you did not want to sit in your carseat. You were throwing a fit like a normal 2 year old and I lost it for the very first time. Although it wasn't bad, I felt like a horrible mother in that moment. You were in tears. 

I know we'll have more moments like these, but I'll never forget the first. Please forgive me if I ever hurt your feelings. I love you so much. I love you always. 

Mommy

Big Girl

Lauren,

Mommy woke up early this morning and watched you as you laid beside me sleeping peacefully. You look like an angel. You even smirked a smile like how you used to when you were a baby. In fact, you gave me a glimpse of your baby-ness and oh how I miss you being a baby. You are a big girl now. 

We're working on shapes and colors and you're doing great. You are so smart and just about the most beautiful little girl ever. You are adorable and I've dreamt of you all my life. You are my dream come true. 

Have I mentioned how picky you are with your clothes? You want to be pretty and wear dresses all the time. Yes, even to sleep. 

Here's a few random pictures of you. I love you always. 

Mommy

Baby Cousin Matthew

Lauren,

Your baby cousin Matthew arrived on 8/11. The cool thing was we were at Nicholas' birthday party and then I decided to stop by Auntie Kelly's house. Daddy was working and so I was in no hurry to go home. We were hanging out at Auntie Kelly's house when she started to have contractions and go into labor. Talk about immaculate timing! It was exciting and Mommy was trying to rub Auntie Kelly's back to help ease the pain. Six hours later, you baby cousin was born.

You were really jealous the first time you saw Mommy holding Matthew. You wanted to be in my lap and didn't want me to hold Matthew. By the next day, you were in love. You wanted to kiss him. You didn't want to just kiss his feet...you wanted to kiss his face, hold his hand, have him in your lap, just touch him. You love Matthew.

You are a great big cousin and I can't wait until you become a sister. Pray with Mommy. I know that God's plans and dreams for me are better and greater than I can ever imagine. Afterall, he gifted me you.

I love you always.

Mommy

Bye bye baby bottles!

So one day, it dawned on me. You are a smart, very smart 2 year old. You should be off the bottle and off the bottle you were. It was much easier than I imagined. The challenge was with your grandma. You have been bottle free for a week now, by 25 months. I am so proud of you. You transitioned without a problem. I love you so much.

By the way, waking up at 3:30am to play on the iPad/iPhone last night until 5am is not cool.

I love you always.

Mommy

Big girl things

Lauren,

The days of you babbling baby talk is over. It's big girl talk now.

The other day, Daddy asked you for a kiss. Your response was "No kiss. I don't love you." Oh my gosh did Mommy and Daddy looked at each other. By the way, you say "oh my gosh" all the time.

Last Saturday while we were in Laughlin, out of nowhere we heard you repeating "what the heck!" Oh my. Mind you you're only 2 years and 1 week old.

Oh, and you get adamant about wearing dresses and skirts. You tell me by saying pretty and tugging on your clothes.

Yesterday, you were eating tomatoes and I thought to myself, "who's kid are you?" Just kidding. I love it that you love tomatoes. Just don't expect me to eat your leftovers.

Mommy and Daddy are trying to discipline you a bit more now that you know so much. The corner's been your friend. You know how to be afraid of Daddy but not so much with Mommy. It's ok. I love you to pieces and we'll teach you through discipline and love.

You're talking so much but I love it best when you tell me you love me and shower me and your dad with kisses. I love my 2 year old toddler. I love you always.

Happy 2nd Birthday Lauren

Lauren,

Yesterday was your second birthday. Happy birthday baby! You will always be my baby. Always.

We chose not to have a birthday party this year and make it all about you. We celebrated your birthday in Hawaii. We all had a womderful time and loved every minute of it. You were with your 3 favorite people and loved the beach and pool and playing and relaxing. Mommy and Daddy sang happy birthday yesterday to you right when you woke up. I bought you 2 white balloons and we took some pictures of you at home first before taking you to Brea Canyon for some outdoor shots. You enjoyed running around with the balloons and those were the best shots we got of you. It was tough but we did it and I love them all.

We ended the night with dinner at BJs and had spicy spaghetti and a flatbread pizza. You love spicy food and you love noodles so it was perfect. They brought out a pizookie for your birthday and Mommy sang to you while Daddy recorded it. You did a wonderful job of blowing out the candle. We ended dinner with the tasty dessert and went home to snuggle in bed. I remembered to measure you against the walk in the kitchen. We'll see how you measure next year.

I love you so much birthday girl. You are the sweetest smartest little girl ever. You talk so much, you're playful, huggable, loveable and I will take your hugs and kisses anytime you give them to me.

Happy 2nd birthday Lauren Sommai Lok. I love you always.

Mommy

Hawaii booked!

Lauren,

Mommy and Daddy booked our summer vacation trip to Kona, Hawaii, the Big Island! We are so excited to be taking this family trip! I can't wait for your first real big vacation.

We really debated this trip a lot from cost, having time off of work, ease of takin you around, hoping for another blessing etc but have decided that timing is impeccable so we're doing it. This is our last chance to have you fly for free, have a vacation for you without any siblings, Mommy and Daddy aren't expecting another child yet, we have the funds to go and I'm so ready to make some exciting memories with you.

I know we'll have a great time and I love you so much. I want you to experience everything and have the best childhood and life. I love you always.

Mommy

First Angels Game 6/2/13

Lauren,

You had so much fun at your very first Angels game. You cheered for both teams, walked the entire stadium and hung out like a champ. We even saw a few home runs. Too bad they lost to the Houston Astros but a we had a great time.

Swim Class

Lauren,

Mommy and Daddy enrolled you in 2 swim classes. On your first day of class, you seemed a bit scared and nervous. You hung onto Mommy like a little monkey. I didn't worry too much because you love the water and I knew it was only a matter of time before you got comfortable. Besides, Mommy was going to join you and hold you through it all. By the end of class, you were excited and full of enthusiasm to swim again.

Everyday thereafter, you continue to improve more and more. You love being Humpty Dumpty and falling into the water. You love kicking the water. You love all the songs we sing in class. The best part is going underwater. You do great at that. We still need to work on splashing and blowing bubbles. Overall, you're comfortable being in the water and we're having a great time. Here are some pictures:

I really really really...

To make you a big sister. I hope and pray that it happens soon. I see how much fun you have playing with your cousins and would love to give you a little brother or sister so that you guys would have each other. I prefer for you two to not be too far apart in age. At best, your sibling would be 2.5 years younger. Pray with Mommy and let's hope God blesses our family. I love you always.

Mommy

22 Months!

Lauren baby,

Oh how the time is flying by! You will always be my baby! You are 22 months and you are so smart, beautiful, feisty, shy, talkative, you know what you want and what you don't, you're small, full of laughter and energy, curious about everything and lovable.

You're small but you don't know that you are. You play with your big cousins, boss them around, treat them like babies, but you're only 1/2 their size! Haha. Oh, and you think you own your older sister Pookie. You yell at her to do this and that and tell her no all the time. In fact, you tell me and your Daddy no as well.

You want your hair tied up every morning before I drop you off. You love being outside and in the water. You love Yo Gabba Gabba. You know how to count up to 10, but sometimes, you miss a number here or there. You can count up to 5 in both Khmer and Vietnamese. You're starting to sing your ABCs. You are a rockstar.

By the way, thank you to you and Daddy for the most beautiful rose gold Michael Kors watch.

You are my child, my baby, my life, my everything. I love you so much you big girl!

I love you always.

Mommy

My little girl...

I want you to be my little girl forever.

I love you always.

21 Months!

Lauren,

You turned 21 months today! Only 3 more months until your second birthday. I was told that I need to stop counting months, but I can't help it. I'll stop when you're two. Daddy measured you last night and you are about 30 inches. You are already more than 1/2 my height! Mommy is really short...you'll soon realize. I don't know how much you weigh, but you are petite. If I had to guess, I'd say you're about 23-24 lbs max.

You talk a lot! You say things like: I don't want it, I see you, I love you, I tooted, I pooped, Mommy eat, outside, etc. Oh, and you think you are the boss of Pookie (you actually call her Koogie). You think going to the corner is a game. Daddy said you don't like to give kisses. You are pooping so much more normal now (yea!!!). You refuse to have your teeth brushed. You love baths and hate getting lotioned right after. You threw up in each of your two car seats (we had to clean it last night so it's still fresh in my memory). Your favorite books are "Spot goes to the park" and "Where's Spot" and Elmo's book about Puppies. You know how to make doggie (woof woof), cat (meow), cow (moon), duck (quack) and baby (wah) sounds. You even refer to yourself as Yo-yen.

You amazed Mommy at bathtime yesterday. I started counting one, you said two, I said three, you said four, I said five and you said six. That was it but it was much more than I anticipated! You are so smart and beautiful.

We went to Legoland 10 days ago and you had a great time going on rides with Mommy and seeing the aquarium. We stayed a night there to do some shopping and hanging out with your cousin and aunts and uncles.

I love you so so so much Lauren. I love you always.

Easter

He is risen! Happy 2nd Easter my baby girl.

This Easter, we went to church with your grandma, aunts, uncles and cousin. You were really good in church and then Daddy decided to take you outside for a little while to play. Well well...my pretty little one, you were so good that you pooped outside and not in church! Hi-five! Good job baby (good thing Mommy stayed in chuch and Daddy had to clean up your mess).

We went to your great grandparents for lunch and headed back to your aunts house where we did the Easter egg hunt provided by cousin Rennah. You had a lot of fun and you were so pretty too!

I just remember your last Easter. I cried. Your eczema had reached it's worst on Easter day and it was all over your face. I was so heartbroken because you looked so uncomfortable with rashes all over your face. This year, I rejoiced in the beautiful little child that I am so blessed to have.

Happy Easter child. I love you always!

Mommy

Sick

Eh. I hate it when you're sick. I'm sure Daddy feels the same. I just want you to get better soon, like now. Your nose is snotty, your eyes are watery, and you can't sleep well. I'm so sorry baby.

Good thing Daddy insisted I stay home to take care of you. Mommy got so caught up with getting ready and the daily routine I didn't even think of it. I love us laying in bed and having you sleep on my chest like you're a baby. You will always be my baby. Feel better soon. I love you always.

Mommy

20 Months

I'm always amazed at how much time has passed and how much you have grown. I can't keep up.

I'm having a really hard time with letting my baby go. Your baby pictures make me miss you so much, even though you are right there, right here, in front of me talking to me and wiggling your body and dancing and jumping and screaming. You are a full blown toddler with more energy than I am able to handle sometimes. You are a bundle of joy, excitement, love, happiness, all in one. I love you so much.

You are still small, very very small, despite all the eating that you do. You love blueberries, bananas, mangoes, pretty much all sweet fruits. You love to eat and drink anything from a cup. You play alongside with Pookie very well. You love 'Yo Gabba Gabba' and 'Opa Gangnam Style'. Oh yea, you also love icka (stickers). You call water ja-wah. You call every fruit apple. You say nose and touch mine and yours after every time you get in trouble. You know how to take off your diaper. Oh, did I mention, you're a shoes girl. No doubt about it.

I was thinking how my biggest challenge with you in your first year of life was your eczema and your second year is your constipation. I hope this will be the end of the challenges, even though I know there may be more to come.

I am hoping to wean you from the bottle and have you potty trained by the time you are two. Only 4 more months to go so we'll see how we do. At the same time, I try not to rush it all too much because I want you to go at your own pace and you're still my baby. I think you'll be my baby forever.

You talk so so so much. You know how to be emotional, you know when I'm yelling at you to not hit me. Why is it that you prefer to hit only Mommy? You know I'm the person who loves you the most? I think about you every minute of every hour of every day. I love you to the ends of the world. I've learned to be so patient with you. I hope that continues forever. At the same time, I try to teach you to be a good person so that you'll be better equipped to handle this enormous world of ours.

Sometimes, you give me kisses for no reason at all. I love those the best. They melt my heart and it's so special. You are the sweetest little girl ever. Then like last night, you were supposed to go to bed with Daddy but decided to come back into Mommy's room and I picked you up and let you sleep with me. We cuddled and went off to bed. I love you so much.

Happy 20 months baby girl.

I love you always.

Mommy

Feb

Lauren,

Has it really been a month since I last wrote to you? I'm sorry baby. I've thought about writing to you several times this past month but I just didnt' feel up to it. I'm not sure why. Here's what's been going on in the last month.

You received $185 for Chinese new year. Woohoo! I made sure Daddy deposited that money into your savings.

You are such a big girl now! 19 months! Well, not really...you're a petite one, just like your Mama. It's all good. You are still the cutest little one ever. I keep looking at other children your age and think that they look like toddlers, all big and grown up, but you, you somehow still look like a baby to me. It dawned on me today that maybe you do look like a toddler, but it's me, it's my eyes that sees a baby cause you know why? You will always be my baby. I need to let go and embrace the big girl I have now.

Speaking of you being a good girl, your latest development is being emo. Yep, emotional. If Daddy or I yell at you, you know it. Your eyes well up, you lips quiver, you bottom lip puffs out a bit and tears start streaming. I have to admit, it's kind of cute. Also, you now say "I poop" and sometimes you need to go and other times you don't have anything in your diaper. Oh, you also love to feed yourself (and sneak some to Pookie). You love love love the iPat and Phome.

The not so big girl is still on the bottle but we're trying to make some progress with you not getting a bottle in the middle of the night. Some nights, you sleep throughout the night, and some, you don't. It's ok.

We went to Lake Las Vegas from 2/16-2/18. You had a great time and you did really well on the ride there and back. You hardly cried. We visited Hoover Dam, Red Rock, hung out at the resort, went swimming, ate a lot and had a good time. Unfortunately after a few days back, you got sick and had a cold. It's almost gone now. You're such a trooper.

I miss you and love you so much. I love you always.

Mommy

Bump

I feel so bad. Yep, another bump. I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes and Lauren was sitting on the sofa. As I glanced over, I saw you start to tumble backwards and my heart stopped. I raced to you but already knew that I wouldn't catch you in time. I watched you fall on your head and it was heart wrenching.

I grabbed you my baby and hugged you as you cried painful tears. I rubbed your forehead and cursed at myself.

You allowed me to ice your head and it's a bit better but still painful to see. I hope it goes away soon. Your Daddy assured me you're ok.

It's been a bit tough with you being sick and thank God you're feeling better. It seems like its always one thing or another.

I love you so much Lauren. I love you always.

Compassion

Lauren,

You are the most compassionate 18 month baby. Two weeks ago, we took your grandma to the doctors. As the doctor was examining her, you stood there watching his every move. Your smiled started turning upside down, you lips quivered. You eyes got red and teary and slowly the tears rolled down your cheeks. You waited for the doctor to finish and went to grandma to be held. Two days ago, we went to the doctors again and the same thing happened.

You are protective, you care, you love and you are compassionate. You don't like seeing others get hurt or probed. You look and observe with the most curious mind. You want everything to be ok. You are too sweet and compassionate.

I love you...always.

Mommy

18 months and you are too cute

Lauren,

Yesterday, you turned 18 months and we went to have lunch with Daddy. You ran around on the grass next to the pyramid like there's no cares in the world, just laughing and running and being tipsy. You bring me so much joy! You sometimes force your laughter and I have to admit, it sounds a bit wicked. You somehow grew up right before my eyes and you're a big toddler now.

Update:
Still on the bottle and sippy cup
Size 3 diapers
Size 4-5 shoes
Size 18 months clothing
19 lbs 6 ounces, you have never reached 20 lbs...so skinny
You eat a lot!
You poop a lot, too!
You play with Pookie
You love love love the IPad, IPod Touch, IPhone
You love Blueberries!
You love to dance and sway your little hips
You love to splash water
You love being sung to...Happy Birthday is your favorite song
You love "If you're happy and you know it..."
Your favorite books are Spot in the Park and Elmo's Puppies!
You love being tickled
You hate taking medicine
You started biting your right wrist for some reason
You eased off on pulling the couple of strands of hair that you have
You still love sucking on your two left fingers, the middle and ring fingers
You pull off your socks all the time
You do not like the blanket on you...you'll manage to kick it off
You know your hands, feet, eyes, nose, ears, hair and belly button
You know how to say your age in Khmer and Vietnamese
You like to say 1,2,3 in Vietnamese, Khmer, and English and ABC in English
You're a daredevil!
You love being chased...I hope that stays the same 20 years from now

Happy 18th month baby girl.

Mommy loves you always.